somanyfeelings | IC Inbox

[Gokudera sat down next to Makoto on the futon, watching Makoto with concern. Makoto's safety always took priority over recognizing how attractive the other boy was, which was a good thing because Gokudera really didn't need to focus too much on how Makoto looked or sounded when his breathing was rough like that.

'I know how you feel about me', words Gokudera was hoping he'd never have to hear. He froze, and he was pretty sure his heart had to have stopped beating for a second before the adrenaline started to kick in, panic rising like he needed to get ready for a fight because he was just ... so terrified of Makoto figuring it out.]

Well ... it's obvious, right? You're like my best friend here. [The cover-up was obvious, Gokudera's voice was strained and he couldn't look Makoto in the eyes when he said the words, but ... he had to at least try. A 'get out of jail free' card, an opening for keeping things the way they were, if that's what Makoto wanted.]

[Makoto sat up and shook his head. It was a valiant effort, but when you have a blunt roommate that's sick of your angst, Gokudera, there's not much you can hide.]

I-I meant about the crush...

[He could only fathom how horrified Gokudera must have been feeling at that moment. His heart was revealed and now out in the open for him to either hold or to stomp into the ground like a cigarette butt.]

And I wanted to say that...!

That...I don't think it's wrong...the way you feel.

[He had been thinking about what to say on the way there, why couldn't he just say it normally?]

You and I have a strong bond, Hayato...I...

I'm not disgusted by you or even at the thought of us...ah...[Being together.]

A-and...I want to stay by your side and...

I don't want you to hurt anymore so....

ah....

[Smooth, Makoto.]

You're being an idiot, do you even know what you're saying?

[Gokudera's face was red, and he quickly stood from the bed to put some distance between himself and Makoto. Even if Makoto wasn't disgusted, he should be. Gokudera couldn't stop thinking about kissing Makoto again, of touching his skin and being touched in return and - and friends didn't think that about each other, and he was horrible for putting Makoto in this position.]

What we have right now is fine. I don't need anything else. I don't want you to force yourself into anything else.

Edited (rawr, formatting) 2014-02-15 16:20 (UTC)

I wouldn't mind it if we had something else!

[Why was he shouting? He looked down at his lap.]

I-I think...I like you, too.

[Wait ... what?

Of all the ways Gokudera thought this conversation could go, that was not one of his possible outcomes. He turned quickly to stare at Makoto, eyes wide in surprise.]

... What?

[So eloquent.]

[There was a blush on his cheeks. He had never done anything like this before.]

You've been by my side ever since I arrived. You've helped me at every turn and have done everything and anything in your power to make sure that I was safe and happy. Even when I came to your door, you were ready to beat someone up if I was in any danger...

Even though it hasn't been a long time, a lot has been revealed to you because I know that I can trust you with those things. A place like this can easily do that and bring two people close together.

When you left today, I thought I had hurt your feelings and that's the last thing that I want to do and I came here at this hour because...

What if you left Adstringendum without me telling you what you mean to me?

I couldn't let that happen...

You mean so much to me, Hayato and even though I have friends from home here that make things better, you make things that much more. I'm thankful for you and I don't want you to hide from me.

[He smiles just a little bit and puts a hand on his heart.]

My heart is pounding...

I like you, Hayato. I really do.

[Gokudera tried to think of something... to play off his actions as 'something anyone would do', like he'd done when Nagisa asked. His heart had to be beating like a hammer now, and the only recourse left was honesty. Painful, horrible honesty that ... that maybe wasn't so bad at all.]

I - I really like you too, Makoto. I have for a while now ... BUT! But I wasn't doing any of that to try to 'win you over' or anything! [Suddenly aware that maybe his actions could be construed that way, Gokudera wanted to make sure Makoto knew that wasn't it.] Or, to make you feel obligated or - I just ... when you smile, it made me feel like maybe things here weren't so bad and that everything would be alright, and I wanted to keep you smiling. That's all.

[Makoto smiled a bit more at that.]

I know you've been sincere the whole time, you don't have to worry about me thinking anything differently.

[But now that the feelings were out in the open, now what? What was the next step.]

I'm just...glad that I know how you feel. It's not going to change how I think about you.

[Gokudera took a few steps closer to Makoto. What DID they do now? He could kiss Makoto... maybe... but ... instead he chickened out, just taking Makoto's hand in his own to hold it instead.]

I'm glad. That's the last thing I wanted.

[He nodded and smiled at Gokudera, easily turning over his own hand and holding his in return.

Yes...this was good. This was comfortable.]

I'm sorry that you were scared of me thinking anything less of you. It must have been really hard...

[He lifted a hand and touched Gokudera's face.]

I don't want to make you cry again.

I was crying because I was a dumbass, it wasn't your fault. [And really, it was one of the reasons he liked Makoto... because he was so kind like this. Gokudera could think of at least a few people that would use this opportunity to make fun of him. He huffed slightly, then turned his face to rest his cheek against Makoto's hand. It was warm, he was still faintly red.]

Who told you?

Mukuro.

He called asking what I did to you...

[His thumb stroked Gokudera's cheek idly as he explained.]

Then he told me out right.

That dick.

[Gokudera really wasn't used to people touching him. He thought it'd be off putting, but actually, it was ... really nice. Even his anger seemed a bit diffused, thanks to Makoto's touch. Also, considering how things worked out, he couldn't really justify being THAT angry...]

Mukuro is Mukuro.

[He laughed lightly at that. He dropped his hand from Gokudera's face and placed it to his side.]

He did give me advice, though, so...the outcome was fine.

[Gokudera blinked when Makoto stopped touching his face, though they were still holding hands, so ... He hoped it was still all right.]

I might have to thank him then. Ugh.

[Makoto didn't move his hand as any indicator that it wasn't all right. He kept his hand right where it was.]

Hahaha! I think he would just be glad to know you're not upset anymore.

... maybe. [It was possible. For a while now, Gokudera had been wondering if maybe Mukuro wasn't as hard to read as Gokudera had been thinking...]

Ugh, this is so embarrassing, I look like shit.

[Makoto moved his free hand again and finger-brushed some of Gokudera's hair.]

I did come barging in at an odd hour of the night. It's fine.

[He smiles.]

You look fine. And that shade of red on your cheeks looks good, too.

[Oh, he teased him.]

[It really only caused Gokudera's shade of red to deepen. Well, if it was just the two of them, Makoto could tease. It wasn't like anyone else was around to see.] You can always come over, no matter what the hour is.

[... Wait, did that sound like an invitation for something else?]

[Thankfully for Gokudera, his mind didn't go in that direction. He just nodded.]

Thanks. Though...i don't think I want to travel so late since it was so scary when I did it tonight.

[He was THAT determined to get to him soon]

[Makoto, you really are too innocent sometimes.]

That was reckless. I could have come to visit you, you know. [Though he probably would have come up with some excuse, to be honest... so it was probably better that Makoto had come over.]

[He looked a bit abashed at that.]
I know, but...I had to see you and make things right. I didn't know if you would want to come around.

Edited 2014-02-15 18:48 (UTC)

Well... I'm glad you cared that much, to come to see me. Even if it was scary.

Of course! If you ever needed me, I'll come to you.

[He nodded surely. It was like when he dove into stormy waters to save rei.]

Then I'd hide behind you. Hahaha!

You should stay here until it's light out. Get some sleep, then I can walk you home.

Er, you don't have to stay in my room, there's a third bedroom that's still set up. If you want. [Gokudera really would not mind sharing a bed with Makoto again now that they're ... they're together? Dating? What do they call it? But he knows that kind of changes some rules so Makoto might not be so thrilled about it.]

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